Never

by Talya Johnson

I will never be able to love someone the way

I longed for when loving you

I will never be able to forgive myself for letting this go on for so long

my love moves mountains and I moved a few with you

I will never be able to get over the heartache

because I never said anything to anyone

I let it eat me up inside for too long

I’m exhausted

I will never be able to love again

as deeply as I did with you or a least; I thought

I will never be able to give myself to someone the way

I let you openly explore who I really was through

childhood traumas and stories that once made me feel small

you really got to know me … everyone didn’t get that

Yet you still couldn’t find the missing piece to the puzzle

let alone to my heart

I’d loved you and you gave me nothing in return

but burdens that were too heavy to carry, I didn’t deserve that

And that I will never be able to get over it

How can I forgive myself?