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If You Write a Great Script

Updated: Apr 30

By Amber Bacote, Virginia State University






INT. RICHMOND APARTMENT - MIDNIGHT


AMBER (22) sits on her couch, inside her messy apartment without any working air conditioning. The television is paused on the Joan Didion documentary Joan Didion: The Center Will Not Hold. She’s typing on her new laptop.


AMBER

If you write a great script, you’ll

send it to your director friend

who’s looking for a passion

project.


AMBER (CONT’D)

If you send the script to your

director friend who’s looking for a

passion project, he’ll pitch the

film to an indie producer who wants

to win awards.


AMBER (CONT’D)

If the director pitches the script

to an indie producer who wants to

win awards, he’ll hire a mainstream

actress to play the lead.


AMBER (CONT’D)

If the producer hires a mainstream

actress to play the lead, she’ll

want her stylist, personal

assistant, and acting coach to join

the production as well.


AMBER (CONT’D)

If the actress’s stylist, personal

assistant, and acting coach join

the production, you’ll have to hire

an accountant to keep track of the

various expenses.


AMBER (CONT’D)

If you hire an accountant to keep

track of the expenses, he’ll skim

some off the top to send to his

mistress.


AMBER (CONT’D)

If the accountant skims some off

the top to send to his mistress,

she’ll get cocky and show off her

new necklace at the Beverly Hills

Hotel.


AMBER (CONT’D)

If the accountant’s mistress shows

off at the Beverly Hills Hotel,

word will get back to his wife, the

Pilates instructor for a different

actress.


AMBER (CONT’D)

If his wife hears gossip about her

husband’s mistress, she’ll gossip

to her client.


AMBER (CONT’D)

If the Pilates instructor gossips

to her client, her client will

retell the story to her friend.


AMBER (CONT’D)

If her client tells her friend,

word will travel around town.


AMBER (CONT’D)

If word travels around town, the

gossip will get back to the lead

actress in your indie film.


AMBER (CONT’D)

If word gets back to the lead

actress in your indie film, the

crew will find out they’re being

screwed out of their proper income.


AMBER (CONT’D)

If the crew finds out they’re not

being paid their earned dues,

they’ll strike.


AMBER (CONT’D)

If the crew strikes, SAG-AFTRA and

their lawyers will get involved.


AMBER (CONT’D)

If SAG-AFTRA and their lawyers get

involved, it will get mass media

coverage from Variety, The

Hollywood Reporter, and Vanity

Fair.


AMBER (CONT’D)

If Variety, The

Hollywood Reporter, and Vanity

Fair cover your film's

strike, you’ll be asked to make a

comment about it.


AMBER (CONT’D)

If you’re asked to comment on the

strike, you’ll post to social media

without running it past your PR

manager.


AMBER (CONT’D)

If you post to social media without

running it past your PR manager,

it’ll cause more controversy.


AMBER (CONT’D)

If your social media posts cause

controversy, your film will gain

more press attention.


AMBER (CONT’D)

If your films gets more press

attention, it will be invited to be

shown at more festivals.


AMBER (CONT’D)

If your film is shown at more

festivals, it will get Oscar buzz.


AMBER (CONT’D)

If your film gets Oscar buzz,

you’ll have to attend a lot of

pretentious campaigning events.


AMBER (CONT’D)

If you attend a lot of pretentious

campaigning events, you’ll get an

Oscar nomination.


AMBER (CONT’D)

If you get an Oscar nomination,

you’ll prepare a speech, just in

case you win.


AMBER (CONT’D)

If you win an Oscar, make sure you

thank The Academy first.


AMBER (CONT’D)

If you win an Oscar and thank the

Academy, you’ll be asked to write

another script.


AMBER (CONT’D)

If you write another script, you’ll

do this all over again.




About the Author

Amber Bacote, Virginia State University


Amber Bacote is a graduating English major at Virginia State University. Her interests include film, pop culture, literature, and fashion. Her least favorite question is “What’s your favorite movie?” because, how could you expect her to pick just one? After she graduates, she plans to pursue a career in film production and screenwriting. She recommends everyone watch a foreign film or two, in their free time.


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