By Morgan L. Jones, Virginia State University
I woke up today,
even though I didn’t want to open my eyes,
I woke up today.
I slept for what felt like an eternity.
But I still woke up tired.
As the seasons change,
the cold mornings set in my bones.
The pain and depression grow everyday.
I still woke up today.
I try to shield this burden from the ones I love and protect.
I lied again when asked if “I’m ok?”
I faked another good morning with a smile.
I woke up today.
The clouds I prayed away last night
woke me in the morning
to remind me they are still here.
The path out of the bed is dark,
even in the presence of bright faces.
No one understands, not even myself.
I still woke up today.
I still made my bed today, with the thoughts of what will they say if I call in sick.
Knowing that it’s all mental,
I push right and left but somehow move forward.
I mentally make a list of tasks that I will set as goals.
I woke up today.
Not feeling it, but I have felt like this for a while now.
Not wanting to be me or where I’m at physically, mentally, emotionally, financially.
The man in the mirror has become an image of the shell of the man I used to be.
Older, weaker and unstable.
My thoughts range from ending it all or ending everything that has caused this feeling.
I woke up this morning.
Sat in my car this morning.
Wondering the if’s.
Was there enough bullets in my gun for the ones that have pushed me here
Or
Just enough for me?
Will the ones I love understand either way?
Would they rather visit a grave or a cell?
The touch of stone or glass
will become cold and only grows colder with every day
I wake up.