• One TwentyOne

A mother’s cry

Updated: Apr 26, 2021

By Shakeiya Culzac





A poem in dedication to my aunt who committed suicide


Tonight, I lie awake Gasping for air- unable to breathe Oh wait, I’m holding my breath Silence fills the room Loud and clear I hear screams, and cries for help But then I realize those sounds Come from within me Go away, leave me alone Let me live


Tonight I lie awake

But this time, I sit in the dark

I hear the sound of a knife cutting paper

Deep deeper, deeper

Till the blood is drawn

I take my knife and slit my wrist

Drip, drip, drip

As the blood runs down my hands

Onto my white rug, and my white satin sheets

But tonight, tonight I didn’t die


I cry, but everyone around seems to be deaf

Deaf, sometimes I can’t hear anything but my own thoughts

I’m drowning, I’m drowning

The tears pour over

It’s too much

My eyes can no longer contain them

No one sees me drowning

As if I were dust

A shadow

I’m invisible, its okay I know

You don’t have to tell me

I’m nothing but empty space

I know I deserve it


Tonight, I just want to die

Its okay I won’t feel a thing

Lies,

I feel everything

Everything you can’t

That empty yet so heavy feeling I get in the pit of my stomach

Weighing me down

Today I just can’t get out of bed

Down

Deep down I feel –lonely

I’m dead without a gunshot

My body’s here with you

But my mind is locked away in solitude

Who will miss me

Surely not you


Death come to me, release me from my pain

Faster and Faster, hurry

Until it all slows down

Until my heart stops beating,

I just want someone to say I see you

I see you

I see a mother, with her beautiful baby

To everyone she is strong

But I see her, pain

I see her burning, burning

Burn the flesh, the skin

Burn away the pain


She cant take it anymore

Tonight she surrenders to the misery

Don’t let it–

Don’t cry–

No its too late

She takes the revolver and she puts it to her baby’s chest

And she whispers

“Close your eyes baby, comfort is near”

And she pulls the trigger

Then she puts it to her head.

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